I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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