I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So many bounce houses so little time
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
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