I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
