where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
