So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
