Kiss
Puke
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
