I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
