operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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