I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
