..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
