my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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