I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
