My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize