I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
