Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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