how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
