Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
