saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
