what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
