You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
