he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
