On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Randomize
