I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
