Someone shit on the floor
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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