Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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