dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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