I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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