He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
