I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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