I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
