never play flip cup with pint glasses
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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