I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
