I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
