I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Welp...herpes.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
