ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
