i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
