My first STD was from a foam party
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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