is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize