Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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