i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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