I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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