i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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