You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
