Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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