I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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