Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
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I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
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But theres a keg here and me gusta
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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