Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
