dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
