I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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