I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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