I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
