New invention idea: vibrating tampons
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We had to coat check the pizza.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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