arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
