oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
