I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
