Well apparently he's into motor boating.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
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THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
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I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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