If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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