What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
