I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
