dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
