so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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