I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
