i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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