chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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