Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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