we're chasing vodka with high fives
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She bit a glass in half.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
