as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I need moral support for this bender
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
